Why Can't Life Be Easy?

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BDub's picture
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Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 706

Ok folks, here's where I'm at.

I don't like the town I live in. My girlfriend and I split up almost a month and a half ago. It was mutual but it still hurts like hell. I'm having massive issues with faith. I'm not happy here, and I'm sick of pushing my own happiness aside.

So I've decided to move. Get out of here, get some new scenery under me, and have a go at life.

Not bad. Have to let the parents know still, but they're my parents and thus tend to love me, even when I do stuff like this.

Here's the part which is sucking. I work for a decent sized dotcom. My ambition in life is to hack code, listen to really loud music, and be happy. When I told my boss, his reaction was to offer me a position coding.

After my head was done exploding, I was left with this.

Forget about leaving (trust me folks, when I say dislike, I mean hate, I just dislike the word) and take the job.

Or do the opposite.

Anyone got any words of wisdom for me? I'm hesitant to ask, because it almost sounds all 'poor-me, a dotcom wants to pay me to hack code', but I could use the advice.

Thanks.

-BDub

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"There is going to be a future: let's chase it until it kills us." - Spider Robinson

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eeun's picture
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Joined: Dec 19 2003
Posts: 1891
Joseph Campbell said to "foll

Joseph Campbell said to "follow your bliss." That is, to follow what you find you -truly- want in life. If something feels like the right decision, it probably is.

I originally wrote down some advice here, but realized I tend to be biased towards routine, low-risk, habit and tradition.

SO...I'll advise you to find your own way by making up a list of pro/con about moving away, and about taking a new job at the same employer.

Write down a list of your feelings about both these things, and the rest you listed above, and try to jot down some ideas what's making you feel that way. Heck, if it suits your training and interests, make a flowchart.

Here's some stuff I've brushed up against in management training:
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/main/newMN_TED.htm

Whatever you choose, good luck, and don't be a stranger.

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Dr. Webster's picture
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Sorry to hear about you and S

Sorry to hear about you and Shrub...what happened?

Anyway, my suggestion is to do what will make you the happiest. If you can stand the town, it sounds like the coding job is a good deal. If you really hate where you live though, then leave--there's plenty of other coding jobs out there. I hated the town I lived in during high school, so I left right after I graduated. Even though it meant leaving a pretty good job as a Mac tech, I don't regret it.

Life has its ups and downs. Things will turn around--but you have to help it along. Just sitting there won't do any good; you need to make what you want happen.

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G4from128k's picture
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Joined: Dec 20 2003
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Try before you leave

Personally, I'd try the job if you like your boss and can stand the town.

Good employers are hard to come by. This coding position will give you some good experience and distract you from your breakup. You don't say why you don't like the town. Is it irredeemable in all regards or can you find something livable in it? Perhaps it will only take a little time of for wounds to heal.

I'd also caution against moving to a new town right after a breakup unless you are very outgoing. Being in a new town can be a lonely experience that can amplify the post-breakup blues. Your experience may be different, it just depends on how easily you can throw yourself into the social scene of a new place and build up a new set of friends.

If you stay, the worst that can happen is that you will discover you don't like coding, don't like the town, and that you are just a few months late to a new life. The best thing that can happen is you to find the right niche in your current place. In the mean time, while you stay at your current employer, you can start thinking about other towns and research the employment opportunities in those other places.

Best wishes!

BDub's picture
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Re: Sorry to hear about you and Shrub

Dr. Webster wrote:

Sorry to hear about you and Shrub...what happened?

Both trying to make the other one happier by making ourselves unhappy. Really not a great way to go about it.

Quote:

Anyway, my suggestion is to do what will make you the happiest. If you can stand the town, it sounds like the coding job is a good deal. If you really hate where you live though, then leave--there's plenty of other coding jobs out there. I hated the town I lived in during high school, so I left right after I graduated. Even though it meant leaving a pretty good job as a Mac tech, I don't regret it.

Life has its ups and downs. Things will turn around--but you have to help it along. Just sitting there won't do any good; you need to make what you want happen.

Yeah, spent several hours last night working on pro's and con's, and trying to figure out what'd make me happy, and drinking far too much tea.

The only big pro with the staying is that someone will pay me to hack code. I figured out that I'm going to hack code irregardless. And in the list of three things, 'paid to' is not a part of 'hack code'. Doesn't hurt to apply for those jobs though.

So I'm gonna commit to going. Try it. If crashage-and-burnage occurs, hey, that's what those parent people are there for. The semester ends off in a month, so I'll be taking off early Jan. Victoria looks like a decent city to give a try.

Oh, the details in the last paragraph were decided a couple weeks ago, so it's not a hasty decision. The coding job just kinda came out of nowhere and really threw me.

Of course, don't stop giving advice if you've got it.

-BDub

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BDub's picture
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Re: Try before you leave

G4from128k wrote:

... discover you don't like coding...

You obviously haven't met me. Wink

-BDub

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Reverend Darkness's picture
Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 502
If life was easy, the dead wouldn't stop doin it..

Actually, life is the easy part. Y'know, being alive. The general continuation of life. It's living that's hard. Trying to figure out how you are supposed to live, how your life is supposed to impact the world, how your particular instance of existence on this particular plane of being in this particular universe... that's the hard shit...

You, though young enough to be my son, are not stupid. You are asking questions of yourself now that most people don't ask until they have passed the quarter-century mark. Some people never even realize that there is a question to be asked. That very fact alone means that you are on a path of self discovery that few of your peers are on right now.

You really do know what you are going to do, you just haven't decided that you know yet.

Oh... I'm supposed to be dispensing advice here, too. OK... sage advice comin' atcha:

Ka-THOOM (lightning strike - thunder clap)

Leave. Scram. Take off. Vamoose. Get the Hell outta Dodge (or closest Canadian equivalent). The longest journey begins with a single step, and all that rot.

Your matter of faith is what is most at risk. Complacency is a prison to belief. If you stay, you are staying for the sake of not changing. By leaving, you will force yourself to re-examine your life, your faith, and the way you want to impact the world. You cannot have faith in God, gods, Allah, Jehova, Buddha, or the Green Chicken of the Apocolypse until you can have some faith in yourself.

I hope that your journey begins soon. And I hope that it never ends.

May the road rise to meet your feet,
May the wind be at your back.
May the Goddess support you with the palm of her hand,
May the God protect you with his,
And may Ptah continue to speak your name.

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When I see lightning, you know it always brings me down... because it's free, and it's me who's lost and never found.

doug-doug the mighty's picture
Joined: Apr 14 2004
Posts: 1355
more wisdom...

A quote from "For Better Or For Worse" - said by the character 'Weed'

Quote:

You know you're headed in the right direction when a job pays well, but you'd gladly have done it for free.

--DDTM

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--DDTM ('Fritter Critter' since Apr 26 2004 - 18:16)

'If it ain't broke, take it apart anyways. If you can't take it apart, break it so that you can fix it.'

BDub's picture
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Joined: Dec 20 2003
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Leaving Now

Hey guys -

Just thought it'd be fair to update you a bit. I'm leaving town in about an hour, and the iBooks about to go into the last bag, so I figured nows the time to thank you all. You're awesome people and I can't think of an anonymous group I trust more Mac OS I'll post again when I get where I'm going, maybe post a few pics.

Oh, Rev, I'm still trying to figure out how a Greek creation God found his way into a traditional irish blessing, but I'll let it pass for now.

-BDub

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"There is going to be a future: let's chase it until it kills us." - Spider Robinson