Baby's First...

7 replies [Last post]
doug-doug the mighty's picture
Joined: Apr 14 2004
Posts: 1355

With my youngest child turning one tomorrow, I am thinking of all the things I should not get here.

So far, I have the following:

  • Baby's First ballpeen hammer
  • Baby's First ant farm (Siafu)
  • Baby's First hornet's nest
  • Baby's First Uzi (9mm)
  • Baby's First still (moonshine)
  • Baby's First Tazzer
  • Baby's First collection of communicable diseases
  • Baby's First book of matches

What other gifts should I not get my child?

(And yes, I love my baby, I am just looking for humourous responses - nothing off color)


--DDTM ('Fritter Critter' since Apr 26 2004 - 18:16)

'If it ain't broke, take it apart anyways. If you can't take it apart, break it so that you can fix it.'

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The Czar's picture
Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 287
"Gift Suggestions" ;-)

    * Baby's first pneumatic nail gun
    * Baby's first pint
    * Baby's first cigar

Those ought to keep Junior content for a while Wink.

Congrats on your baby's first birthday!


The Czar


iBook 14" 1.33Ghz/768MB/60GB/10.4.8
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Eudimorphodon's picture
Joined: Dec 21 2003
Posts: 1204

I like "Baby's First Colostomy", myself. It comes with a matching bag.


FunnymanSE30's picture
Joined: Aug 22 2005
Posts: 403
baby's first.....

baby's first southpark dvd
baby's first wintel pc
baby's first michael jackson picture
baby's first shurikan
baby's first stick of dynomite
baby's first blender
baby's first bucket of cement
baby's first grenade......


iMac Summer 2001: 700mhz, 256mb RAM, 80 Gb, OS 10.4 [main desktop computer]
Powerbook Pismo 400mhz G3 running 10.4, 30gb HD, 640mb of ram[Main Laptop Computer]

eeun's picture
Joined: Dec 19 2003
Posts: 1891
Some more...

Baby's first empty plastic bag
Baby's first Marlboro
Baby's first Necronomicon (which would look something like this)
Baby's first potato cannon


"Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life."
(Terry Pratchett)

Jon's picture
Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 2804
Eudi, I laughed out loud w


I laughed out loud when I read the matching bag bit. Heh. My 2-year old started laughing along with me, but she had no idea what it was all about. Smile


I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine. - Fritz Perls

Joined: Jan 23 2005
Posts: 595
Re: Hm.

Eudimorphodon wrote:

I like "Baby's First Colostomy", myself. It comes with a matching bag.


Think of the money he'd save on diapers! I'm saying nothing of the benefits to the environment. Smile

Let's not overlook the obvious:

- Baby's first tattoo
- Baby's first body piercing
- Baby's first hangover
- Baby's first bar brawl
- Baby's first job Tongue
- Baby's first arraignment
..... On charges of murder
..... On charges of racketeering
..... On charges of money laundering
..... On charges of tax evasion
..... On charges of possession with intent to traffic

And, of course, none of the above gifts would be complete without:

- Baby's firsy IRS tax audit

Ah, the gifts that just keep on giving. Smile

Joined: Aug 9 2004
Posts: 31
Baby's First....

Since our first born got a job this summer, my wife wondered where in the baby book do we mark down "Baby's First Drug Test"???