Baby's First...

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doug-doug the mighty's picture
Joined: Apr 14 2004
Posts: 1355

With my youngest child turning one tomorrow, I am thinking of all the things I should not get here.

So far, I have the following:

  • Baby's First ballpeen hammer
  • Baby's First ant farm (Siafu)
  • Baby's First hornet's nest
  • Baby's First Uzi (9mm)
  • Baby's First still (moonshine)
  • Baby's First Tazzer
  • Baby's First collection of communicable diseases
  • Baby's First book of matches

What other gifts should I not get my child?

(And yes, I love my baby, I am just looking for humourous responses - nothing off color)

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--DDTM ('Fritter Critter' since Apr 26 2004 - 18:16)

'If it ain't broke, take it apart anyways. If you can't take it apart, break it so that you can fix it.'

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The Czar's picture
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Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 287
"Gift Suggestions" ;-)

    * Baby's first pneumatic nail gun
    * Baby's first pint
    * Baby's first cigar

Those ought to keep Junior content for a while Wink.

Congrats on your baby's first birthday!

Cheers,

The Czar

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Eudimorphodon's picture
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Joined: Dec 21 2003
Posts: 1204
Hm.

I like "Baby's First Colostomy", myself. It comes with a matching bag.

--Peace

FunnymanSE30's picture
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Joined: Aug 22 2005
Posts: 403
baby's first.....

baby's first southpark dvd
baby's first wintel pc
baby's first michael jackson picture
baby's first shurikan
baby's first stick of dynomite
baby's first blender
baby's first bucket of cement
baby's first grenade......

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eeun's picture
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Joined: Dec 19 2003
Posts: 1891
Some more...

Baby's first empty plastic bag
Baby's first Marlboro
Baby's first Necronomicon (which would look something like this)
Baby's first potato cannon

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Jon's picture
Jon
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Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 2804
Eudi, I laughed out loud w

Eudi,

I laughed out loud when I read the matching bag bit. Heh. My 2-year old started laughing along with me, but she had no idea what it was all about. Smile

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Joined: Jan 23 2005
Posts: 595
Re: Hm.

Eudimorphodon wrote:

I like "Baby's First Colostomy", myself. It comes with a matching bag.

--Peace

Think of the money he'd save on diapers! I'm saying nothing of the benefits to the environment. Smile

Let's not overlook the obvious:

- Baby's first tattoo
- Baby's first body piercing
- Baby's first hangover
- Baby's first bar brawl
- Baby's first job Tongue
- Baby's first arraignment
..... On charges of murder
..... On charges of racketeering
..... On charges of money laundering
..... On charges of tax evasion
..... On charges of possession with intent to traffic

And, of course, none of the above gifts would be complete without:

- Baby's firsy IRS tax audit

Ah, the gifts that just keep on giving. Smile

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Joined: Aug 9 2004
Posts: 31
Baby's First....

Since our first born got a job this summer, my wife wondered where in the baby book do we mark down "Baby's First Drug Test"???