BEWARE OF THE EVIL OF BUNNY

7 replies [Last post]
doug-doug the mighty's picture
Joined: Apr 14 2004
Posts: 1355

[crinckling sound as reaches for tin foil hat and places snuggly on top of pointy little head...]

A growing number of us are succumbing to the evil will of Bunny and unwittingly assisting him in his plot evil plot for world domination. His legion of followers, the ARBA (the American Rabbit Breeders Association, Inc., which promotes rabbits in the United States and foreign countries, provides for licensing of judges and registrars, and publishes a book of standards, "The Standard of Perfection", which describes the desired characteristics for each recognized breed) have been preparing for this antichrist's arrival.

[Cue music from 'The Omen']

This evil society has been making ready the way for Bunny by grooming and coaxing breeds and strains; manipulting blood lines. Their allegance to the Lagomorph order of Mammal has ensured the fate of mankind. The disciples of evil have taken on the mark of beelzebub, adding his effigy to their identifying marks.

Now bretheren, I will show you this mark of evil, the embalzoned badge of the devil himself and I pray hope that you are strong as I reveal the image of the cuddly visage of a bunny rabbit, a hare, a lagamorph...

Quote:

(\./)
(o.o)
( X )
This is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.

NAY! The devil!

Now calm yourselves, my brothers and sisters! We can fight this evil, but we must identify him first and we must recognize the damage his evil plans have caused so far. To that end, I share with you the path of unrecognized devastation in the wake of this Leporidae. This demogorgon has been socialized to our young in the form of our fiction:

  • Advice Bunny
  • Babs and Buster Bunny
  • Bionic Bunny
  • Bugs Bunny
  • The Energizer Bunny
  • Fillerbunny
  • It's Happy Bunny
  • Pat the Bunny

It has even persuaded our vernacular to adopt words derived from the very evil of the Bunny himself:

  • Bunny hop
  • Bunny hug
  • Bunny suit
  • Chubby bunny
  • Fluffy bunny
  • Playboy Bunny

But do not be tempted to endorse this campaign of sin and hop to a life of deviance as quick as a bunny lest you succumb to the influence. Do not tempt your fate with the risk of eternal damnation in the fires of Hell!

I know what these things for an angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmland of our own midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possesed me then. And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust." And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared, "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! D@mn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!"

Can I get an amen?

Can I get a hallelujah?

Thank you Jesus.

But the angel returned to me the following night and showed me more. The angel showed me how I can defeat the evil of Bunny, how I can thwart his plans for world domination and spare us all from this life of oppression. The angel took me to the desert of our southwest and showed me the acres upon acres of open space. And I asked, "Angel of the Lord, what shall I do?" And the angel commanded me, "Buy acres of land. Acquire all that you see before you. Make a new Holy Land at the level of the sea yet within this dessert. Acquire a tunnel boring machine and dig. Dig at this very spot. Dig down ten fathoms and then make way for the coast. Open the great fountains of the earth and wash away this sin. Bring pilgrims to this new Holly beach front." I asked the angel "Angel of the Lord, how can I do this and not be stopped by the followers of Bunny?" And the angel said unto me, "Should any ask you what you are doing, tell them you are digging a hole to the moon to get the cheese." And again a sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the rushing waters of the great Gulf flowing through an underground channel into the dessert and wept, for I knew then that my purpose in life had been brought forth and revealed unto me. I must stop Bunny! I must get cheese! I must dig!

Now, brothers and sisters, I cannot do this alone. I need your help in completing this work of the Lord. Please send me one dollar and help pay for the salvation of your very soul!

Can I get an amen?

Can I get a hallelujah?

Thank you Jesus.

[Cue sound of angelic choir vocalizing in the background]

[crinkling sound as tin foil hat is removed and replaced on the shelf nest to mayonaise jar containing successful cold fussion project and Chia pet in the likeness of Chuthulu with a healthy crop of cannibus in bloom]

__________________

--DDTM ('Fritter Critter' since Apr 26 2004 - 18:16)

'If it ain't broke, take it apart anyways. If you can't take it apart, break it so that you can fix it.'

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
davintosh's picture
Offline
Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 554
Tastes Like Chicken

Evil? No, no, no... A good domestic rabbit tastes like chicken. And my kids really like it because there are four drumsticks and no scrawny wings! Wink

Aside from that, Doug, as a friend I feel I need to tell you that you've been;

  1. working too hard
  2. not getting out enough
  3. away from Mama too long
  4. messing with stuff under the sink too much

Knock it off & get it together man!

(\./)
(o.O)
( X )

edit:

Oh no! It happened to me too! And I think that bunny is giving me the evil eye!

__________________

Obsolescence is just a lack of imagination.
Visit my blog: davintosh.com -- it may not be up to date, and it may not be exciting, but you can say you've been there.

Tiger G5 Kid's picture
Offline
Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 134
Uh-oh...

That's my sig.... uh-oh.... but I'm NOT sending you a dollar. Or tree-fiddy.

__________________

(\ /)
(O.o)
(> <)
This is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.

eeun's picture
Offline
Joined: Dec 19 2003
Posts: 1891
Re: BEWARE OF THE EVIL OF BUNNY

doug-doug the mighty wrote:

Please send me one dollar and help pay for the salvation of your very soul!

Sorry...I've already spent $5 joining the Homestarmy.

(Do you has what it takes?)

__________________

"Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life."
(Terry Pratchett)

catmistake's picture
Offline
Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 1098
I never knew...

I've always been a cat person. I have 3. Several months ago, I pull into my drive way, which is next to a big field. I step out of my vehical, and there, right there, is this little bunny. I reached down and picked him up. It was about 6 weeks after Easter, and obviously, someone had abandoned him (or ... set him free. I never underestimate how stupid people can be).

I thought rabbits were like hamsters... cute, but you get attached to them, then they die. But apparently, they can live better than 10 years. I've really become attached to this little guy, a dwarf Californian breed... non-aggressive, but has a lot of personality. My cats are pretty gentle, but I don't leave them unattended (but has anyone seen that video on the web somewhere of a rabbit chasing a cat? Hilarious.)

Anyway... rabbit ears!
(\(\
(-.-)

coius's picture
Offline
Joined: Aug 25 2004
Posts: 1975
Awww...

That's sooo cute!

But, alas, I can't have a rabbit. I have a dog... And it likes to hunt rabbits and kill them (as it has done in the past in our yard) Sad but, Being a shnauzer, he is a born hunter.

My dog Farley

I love my dog a lot, but sometimes, he plays rough..

__________________

See my PB540c 33Mhz serve a website! http://yui-ikari.coius.info/

Offline
Joined: Jan 23 2005
Posts: 595
I totally agree with your perspective on dogs, Coius...

I totally agree with your perspective on dogs, Coius. We have a dog in our home that is pretty much treated like royalty. And you're right, a dog will return your investment umpteen times throughout its life. If you treat a dog well, you'll get a lot back from your dog.

I hate to see people get dogs and neglect them. I don't think that dogs deserve that. So not everybody should have a dog.

Rabbits, hmmm... I've never had a rabbit so I can't say too much about them. Although, as kids we found a little wild rabbit in the bush. An aquaintance of mine killed it for its skin while I wasn't around. Sad We still get a fair number of wild rabbits around our home from time to time. They are cute little critters.

Snakes! We used to have a lot of snakes in the neighbourhood too. Although, they seem to have completely disappeared over the last ten years or so. As a child, we couldn't turn anything over without discovering a snake or two... or three. I remember the first time my uncle accidentally ran one over with the lawn mower -- he didn't know that we had snakes in the neighbourhood.

I used to play with the snakes quite a bit as a kid. At least until I was bitten by one. Maybe it was a bit of an omen, cuz it would later turn out that I'd be bitten by a different kind of snake. Wink

Jon's picture
Jon
Offline
Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 2804
We've got a brother and siste

We've got a brother and sister pair of Rhodesian Ridgeback and APBT crosses. The male hunts mice. Wink An 80+ lb mouser. Makes your Schn. going after a rabbit seem a tad different, anyways. Schnausers rock. I'd probably have one if there weren't some other cool breeds I know of. I've got a small thing for Weimaraners...

EDIT: Just read about Thai Ridgebacks and the photos on Thai Ridgeback Dogs look a lot like our dogs. Heck, our female even has ears that started out flopping down, and now stand straight up. I haven't seen any APBT or RR dogs that do that, but those TRDs do. Cool! Maybe we have some very rare half breed dogs that we got from the local city shelter.

__________________

I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine. - Fritz Perls