Such Sweet Sorrow.

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coius's picture
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Joined: Aug 25 2004
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In remembrance of a late fellow Applefritter member, "Word03-04, Disco inferno", I want to say a few things on how he has brought joy to the AF community.

After knowing him privately for about 4 months, he took his life, something that most of us had never expected him to do.
He was very knowledgeable and helped a lot on this closed community (in some ways closed, in others open) and was freely giving advice. He has always been on hand with witty comments, and his love for Apple computers, that he took it to the extent to get certified for apple and worked at an Apple care center in Illawarra Australia.

This man's name was Patrick R Roy.
He was born in 1987, and had lived until October 2005. In the time I had known him, we had many chats on MSN and Yahoo Messenger, some of them serious, some of them just to shoot the breeze. They had all been fun. But it is something I will miss.

In 1996, at the age of 9, he had been diagnosed with 'Severe Psychosis' and had rapidly regressed until he was no longer able to hold his job. He had Delusions, and had been getting increasingly more paranoid.

How I felt when this happened.

Starting with the /end http://www.applefritter.com/node/8878 post that he wrote, I tried to keep in touch with him but it slowly slipped away. When seeing this, I immediately called to the Apple Care center in Aus, and did my best to get routed to him. I was able to contact him, but he was in a pretty unstable state. My heart just floored to the ground when i initially saw that the post was to mark his suicide. on October, 4th, I was to never here from him again.

then about on Wednesday, Decemberm 14th, I was watching my MSN for other friends that will be logging in, when he suddenly logged in. But it was not him, it was his sister. That was when the terrible news I had not wanted to here hit me. He was dead. He died of Suicide, and they were going thru his things. Among them was the iMac that his sister used and contacted me on. I immediately reported this on the /end post. But I was pretty badly shaken. It was something I had not wanted to post, and had dreaded doing since I lost communications.

Even though long distances can keep you pretty much out of the loop, I still felt a strong connection with people I meet online, even though I may never see their face. but they are always remembered.

I am sorry if I haven't written this right, but it was on short notice. But I can say that may god have mercy on his soul.

So, I encourage you to write your feelings on this subject. And hopefully we can remember an AF Member legacy that was on here. And hope and pray that we never see this again, on this, or any other forum.

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gobabushka's picture
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Joined: Apr 26 2004
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I think that you did a great job on this...

When I found out about this today, I had just finished my 3rd period final. My heart also, dropped to the floor. I remember that he had been trying to quit smoking, and it sounded to me that he was doing alright. But when I found out about this, it just cut me to the core. It made me think about how life is so short and how easily it can be taken away in an instant. It's amazing how someone you barely know can change you so profoundly. Normally, AF is a fun place to be, but this kind of stuff always gets me. But coius, u did a great job on this. I know that Patrick will be in my prayers. If u need someone to talk to to, feel free to PM me.

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coius's picture
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Joined: Aug 25 2004
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I'm fine

But it would help everyone if they had a support circle of friends. Sadly, Word03 never really had friends that stuck by him, except the ones in his long distances acquantences

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macg4's picture
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Joined: Jan 18 2005
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i didnt even know the guy, bu

i didnt even know the guy, but as soon as i read the story i got sad. i was heartboken when i heard he had killed himself, its truely sad when anyone does that. my cousin did the same thing years ago. he was depressed, and one night he typed up his death note and left it on his computer screen, and then shot himself in the head. its very sad and i hope we dont have any more applefritter situtations like this again

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Joined: Dec 15 2005
Posts: 5
Wow.

wow...i didnt even know him but i remmber reading his posts. He always seemed very smart and happy... just reading this made me cry. sry if i cant type right now, yeah...

Reverend Darkness's picture
Joined: Dec 20 2003
Posts: 502
My thoughts and prayers are w

My thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends who will miss Patrick. I only had a passing knowlege of him, but he seemed to be a good kid. It truly sux that he was not able to get the help he so needed.

He'll be missed.

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Jon's picture
Jon
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I had emailed to him a bit lo

I had emailed to him a bit long ago about sending him a PB 150. They faded off, but I had planned on including gold $1 coin as a suprise in the pakage. I though he'd have liked a bit of interesting currency for the deal... Anyway, I was listening to some music the other night and "Tired of 'Me'" - Live got me thinking of Patrick. It's very sad that he ended his life so young, with so much more to live for. But, I guess the strain of his condition was too much to deal with, sadly.

Quote:

Hope is a letter that never arrives
Delivered by the postman of my fear

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Joined: Dec 20 2003
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I have never said this in a forum...

and probably will never do so again.

I, like Word03, have been diagnosed with severe psychosis. I understand, to some extent, what he was going through. The thing is, reality is all a perception... and when it is interfered with the way it is for those that have it, it's like a trap.

When I had heard about his death, it hit me very deeply. Though I didn't know him, I know what it feels like not to have the sorts of friends others have... and I know how quickly everything else can collapse.

So I can sympathise...

Unfortuanatly, ((at least here in the US)) knowledge of mental illness and care thereof leave quite a bit to be desired. The tinyest thing can trigger a snowballing effect that can lead to ultimate loss... and sometimes that trigger may not even exist.

[[True example: i haven't slept at night for the last three days because if I did, I would experience extremely visceral nightmares of people attempting to kill me. I don't want to go to the doctor's tomarrow- MD, not psychatrist-- and it keeps occurring to me that perhaps death would be easier. ]]

We live with this everyday; and if you're had the pleasure of hospitalization, it gets worse.

So when I read this... this particular thread, not even the /end one, where I didn't even realize it... all these thoughts came back.

((If anyone wants to know a better description of psychosis, PM me...))

Death is a funny thing... I am told it rends some immortality. He may be gone, may he never be forgotten...

His candle will be in my window tonight.

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i feel horrible, i didnt know

i feel horrible, i didnt know of this untill today... so so young... i never had the privilage of knowing him....

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Joined: Dec 19 2003
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Please ask for help or friend to listen. . .

I think that every human has experienced the lonely feelings, and fear of possible rejection at the idea of asking for someone to listen to your expression of feelings, or more directly for help.

If you feel this way, ever, please ask for help or at least a friend or family member to listen. Part of this is you have to be ready for the person you ask to say "no". Then, you must ask someone else. The fear of rejection is usually much worse than the actual experience. At least the experience is only momentary, the fear can be lasting and debilitating.

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