LTong's blog

Update: In a desperate attempt at getting out of bed and depression I hopped on a train to Chicago the second week in October. The 1 week trip turned out to be three and I had a fairly good time all-together. I ended up leaving after "she" called wondering when I was coming home. "ahhhhh, what do you care?" of course I didn't say that out loud, but after the call I couldn't stop repeating it to myself in my head. I got back on the train and arrived "home" last weekend. I may have new memories that don't involve her, but I still can't get my mind off the pain. I'm lower than I've ever been. Thank god for my camera though, I'll be able to look back on the trip anytime I want with the thousand-some pictures and movie clips I took.

I'm still hurting indescribably, but I'm beginning to accept that I wont get back together with her. Though I seem to keep asking her the wrong questions. In turn getting more painfull answers. Something I didn't metion yet is that we live in a small (college) town, about 80,000 in the entire region.

Please, anyone that can give me any peace of mind, share it.

She and I were going out for 4 years. She loved me, I loved her. Sometime last week, she tells me she has no intimate feelings for me at all and that she never wants to date me again. She says she's never been happier.

For the first time in over a year, I've finally got a job. My last one being such a dread (telemarketer), and having to deal with heavy bouts of depression keeping me down, I haven't really been very motivated to do much of anything for a long time.