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Baby's First...

Submitted by doug-doug the mighty on September 27, 2005 - 5:43pm. Remember Outdoors

With my youngest child turning one tomorrow, I am thinking of all the things I should not get here.

So far, I have the following:

  • Baby's First ballpeen hammer
  • Baby's First ant farm (Siafu)
  • Baby's First hornet's nest
  • Baby's First Uzi (9mm)
  • Baby's First still (moonshine)
  • Baby's First Tazzer
  • Baby's First collection of communicable diseases
  • Baby's First book of matches

What other gifts should I not get my child?

(And yes, I love my baby, I am just looking for humourous responses - nothing off color)

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The Czar's picture

"Gift Suggestions" ;-)

Submitted by The Czar on September 27, 2005 - 6:25pm.


    * Baby's first pneumatic nail gun
    * Baby's first pint
    * Baby's first cigar

Those ought to keep Junior content for a while ;-).

Congrats on your baby's first birthday!

Cheers,

The Czar

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Eudimorphodon's picture

Hm.

Submitted by Eudimorphodon on September 27, 2005 - 6:30pm.

I like "Baby's First Colostomy", myself. It comes with a matching bag.

--Peace

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FunnymanSE30's picture

baby's first.....

Submitted by FunnymanSE30 on September 27, 2005 - 8:26pm.

baby's first southpark dvd
baby's first wintel pc
baby's first michael jackson picture
baby's first shurikan
baby's first stick of dynomite
baby's first blender
baby's first bucket of cement
baby's first grenade......

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eeun's picture

Some more...

Submitted by eeun on September 27, 2005 - 9:52pm.

Baby's first empty plastic bag
Baby's first Marlboro
Baby's first Necronomicon (which would look something like this)
Baby's first potato cannon

» It's all pants.
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Jon's picture

Eudi, I laughed out loud w

Submitted by Jon on September 27, 2005 - 11:11pm.

Eudi,

I laughed out loud when I read the matching bag bit. Heh. My 2-year old started laughing along with me, but she had no idea what it was all about. Smiling

» I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine. - Fritz Perls

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Re: Hm.

Submitted by vantage point on September 28, 2005 - 1:30am.
Eudimorphodon wrote:
I like "Baby's First Colostomy", myself. It comes with a matching bag.

--Peace

Think of the money he'd save on diapers! I'm saying nothing of the benefits to the environment. Smiling

Let's not overlook the obvious:

- Baby's first tattoo
- Baby's first body piercing
- Baby's first hangover
- Baby's first bar brawl
- Baby's first job Sticking out tongue
- Baby's first arraignment
..... On charges of murder
..... On charges of racketeering
..... On charges of money laundering
..... On charges of tax evasion
..... On charges of possession with intent to traffic

And, of course, none of the above gifts would be complete without:

- Baby's firsy IRS tax audit

Ah, the gifts that just keep on giving. Smiling

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Baby's First....

Submitted by Orion Graphics on September 29, 2005 - 3:48am.

Since our first born got a job this summer, my wife wondered where in the baby book do we mark down "Baby's First Drug Test"???

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