See, two weeks ago (31 June 2005) I tripped and slammed the big toe of my left foot into my deck almost as hard as I possibly could have.

Result: I broke the end of the bone of my big toe off. I broke it so bad that the orthopedic physician said "Wayull, now... that thar's a break, idnit?"

Lemme back up a little... we were washing the dogs in the yard (as is normal for us during the summer months - cools them and us off), and I was going into the house to grab the other bottle of shampoo. I tripped. When you trip, you immediately throw your other foot forward to catch yourself (try it... you'll see). When I tried to throw my left foot forward, my big toe met the top edge of the deck.


I fell down.


I crawled three feet to just inside the sliding glass door, closed it with my right foot, and let out a primal scream that caused nieghbors to look up from their yardwork. That's right, I was inside my house - a full two acres from my nearest neighbor - and they still heard me.

The wife comes in trying to figure out what the hell I did this time, as it is normal for me to fall down. This time, though, she could see that all the color had drained from my face and I was very near passing out. She consoled me and asked if it was broken (she's smart). I said "I'm not sure yet, it hurts to bad to tell." (I'm not smart)

After a couple of minutes of going "Ergh... cchhsssssshhhhhhh... ergh... cchhsssssshhhhhhh..." I went back out and finished washing the dogs. The rest of the day was spent in a chair on the back deck with my foot propped up and a beer in my hand. I drank myself numb and decided that if it still hurt as bad the next day, then it was probably broken.

Sunday - the next day - I decided it was broken. Pain. "Oh my GOD!" kinda pain.

Anyhoo, as the doc I usually see is 40 miles from home, but only 10 miles from my work, I decided that I would go in on Monday... I drank myself numb again.

Monday: I go see the doc. I get X-Rays. The doc says, "You need to go see and orthopedic physician right now," writes a scrip for Ultracet and T3 (Tylenol with Codine), and sends me off with a list of orthopedic docs to contact.

I search the list for a name and location I like, and call. Nope, can't see me for a week. Try again... Nope, don't look at toes (wtf?) Try again... Dr. Wong will see me today. Alright! Nothin' beats a little asian doctor when it comes to bones, right?

We (the wife is driving as I am now on hard core pain killers) get to Dr. Wong's office and are led to an exam room. After getting my history, the nurse says that the Dr. will be right in. Not even two minutes go by before this little asian guy walks in and says "Wayull, how y'all doon?"

This moment is so surreal that I immediately decide this guy is my orthopedic physician forever more...

He looks at everything, says that the x-rays show the bones to be in alignment, and it's a clean break. I tell him that I don't want any hardware in my toe that I was not born with. He tells me that as long as I wear "the boot" and stay off of it and let the Good Lord and my body heal it, then I won't need a screw. Then, an assistant brings in "the boot".

This thing is 5 pounds, goes almost up to me knee, and is padded (in Texas, that means 'insulated') That means that it's awkward, heavy, and freakin' hot all at the same time!

So I have to wear the boot for maybe two months while my big toe (which you cannot balance without, FYI) heals.

Oh, and we're getting afternoon thunderstorms now... It's usually hot and dry this time of year, but Dennis is making sure that inclement weather sticks around. The reason this is a bad thing is that I know about 20 minutes before it's gonna rain cuz my toe freakin' HURTS!




I know this is mean but I laughed my ass off reading this. Hope your toe gets better.

eeun's picture

I really sympathize with your pain, but that's a damn funny story.

I've encountered nothing that surreal. The closest I've come is a dental surgeon that looked and sounded just like Leonid Brezhnev.
...shows me dental scalpel.
"This not hurt."
Yes, it did.

And I won't hear a word of complaint about it raining, mister (well, except for it making your toe hurt). It's been dry as a bone up here, with no rain for a month now, stinkin' humid, with temperatures only a couple degrees off from those in Texas. That durn Dennis has stalled just short of here, and looks like it's going to piddle out or move east instead of giving us some much-needed precipitation.

Reverend Darkness's picture

The part about the little Chinese guy who sounds like a big ole' redneck?

That's my favorite part...

Reverend Darkness's picture

Didn't mean to imply I wasn't appreciative of the rain. We were just starting to do water restrictions around here when the rain finally kicked in...

I like the rain, just not the fact that it's associated with a low pressure system that causes swollen, broken toes to act like barometers.

Tell you what, eeun... email me your coordinates, and I'll arrange for some rain in the next week or three. It'll give me a chance to work on my weather wizardry... Wink

eeun's picture

Yeah, I think the doctor is the funniest part.

And your primal scream reminded me of a Simpsons episode where Homer swears loudly. Can't remember the context...

Rain would be nice, please. Let's say maybe two days of rain per week, not on Saturdays, and temperatures not rising above 70 degrees or going below 10 until, oh...around 2050?
I'm not demanding at all, am I? Wink

moosemanmoo's picture

Thanks for making me laugh! I know how much toes can hurt when injured, but I've never done that.

chris501's picture

that reminds me of myself! 2 weeks ago a horse stepped on my little toe on the right foot. it hurt all day long, but about 6 days later i didn't even notice the pain anymore. well, actually i was just to lazy to go to the hospital, because i know that i would have to spent several hours until i get my diagnosis and the doctor sends me home again...

so far so god. or not so good... 2 days ago i was at my favourite gas station in town (Walter at the Esso station, this is not meant as an ad by the way...). a friend of mine was a little bit full of energy, maybe he drank to much coffee the night before, i don't really know. depleting his energy resulted in dragging me und dropping me hard on the ground, when i was trying to absorb the energy of "dropping", i fell badly on my right foot. man, that hurt!

consequence: went to the hospital

diagnosis: little toe was broken, is now broken again, and a bad luxation of my middle toe... harr harr...

result: bandage for at least 3 weeks...

...wtf, i've got holidays next week Sad