See, two weeks ago (31 June 2005) I tripped and slammed the big toe of my left foot into my deck almost as hard as I possibly could have.
Result: I broke the end of the bone of my big toe off. I broke it so bad that the orthopedic physician said "Wayull, now... that thar's a break, idnit?"
Lemme back up a little... we were washing the dogs in the yard (as is normal for us during the summer months - cools them and us off), and I was going into the house to grab the other bottle of shampoo. I tripped. When you trip, you immediately throw your other foot forward to catch yourself (try it... you'll see). When I tried to throw my left foot forward, my big toe met the top edge of the deck.
I fell down.
I crawled three feet to just inside the sliding glass door, closed it with my right foot, and let out a primal scream that caused nieghbors to look up from their yardwork. That's right, I was inside my house - a full two acres from my nearest neighbor - and they still heard me.
The wife comes in trying to figure out what the hell I did this time, as it is normal for me to fall down. This time, though, she could see that all the color had drained from my face and I was very near passing out. She consoled me and asked if it was broken (she's smart). I said "I'm not sure yet, it hurts to bad to tell." (I'm not smart)
After a couple of minutes of going "Ergh... cchhsssssshhhhhhh... ergh... cchhsssssshhhhhhh..." I went back out and finished washing the dogs. The rest of the day was spent in a chair on the back deck with my foot propped up and a beer in my hand. I drank myself numb and decided that if it still hurt as bad the next day, then it was probably broken.
Sunday - the next day - I decided it was broken. Pain. "Oh my GOD!" kinda pain.
Anyhoo, as the doc I usually see is 40 miles from home, but only 10 miles from my work, I decided that I would go in on Monday... I drank myself numb again.
Monday: I go see the doc. I get X-Rays. The doc says, "You need to go see and orthopedic physician right now," writes a scrip for Ultracet and T3 (Tylenol with Codine), and sends me off with a list of orthopedic docs to contact.
I search the list for a name and location I like, and call. Nope, can't see me for a week. Try again... Nope, don't look at toes (wtf?) Try again... Dr. Wong will see me today. Alright! Nothin' beats a little asian doctor when it comes to bones, right?
We (the wife is driving as I am now on hard core pain killers) get to Dr. Wong's office and are led to an exam room. After getting my history, the nurse says that the Dr. will be right in. Not even two minutes go by before this little asian guy walks in and says "Wayull, how y'all doon?"
This moment is so surreal that I immediately decide this guy is my orthopedic physician forever more...
He looks at everything, says that the x-rays show the bones to be in alignment, and it's a clean break. I tell him that I don't want any hardware in my toe that I was not born with. He tells me that as long as I wear "the boot" and stay off of it and let the Good Lord and my body heal it, then I won't need a screw. Then, an assistant brings in "the boot".
This thing is 5 pounds, goes almost up to me knee, and is padded (in Texas, that means 'insulated') That means that it's awkward, heavy, and freakin' hot all at the same time!
So I have to wear the boot for maybe two months while my big toe (which you cannot balance without, FYI) heals.
Oh, and we're getting afternoon thunderstorms now... It's usually hot and dry this time of year, but Dennis is making sure that inclement weather sticks around. The reason this is a bad thing is that I know about 20 minutes before it's gonna rain cuz my toe freakin' HURTS!