Baby's First...

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doug-doug the mighty's picture
Last seen: 2 months 2 weeks ago
Joined: Apr 14 2004 - 17:52
Posts: 1378
Baby's First...

With my youngest child turning one tomorrow, I am thinking of all the things I should not get here.

So far, I have the following:

  • Baby's First ballpeen hammer
  • Baby's First ant farm (Siafu)
  • Baby's First hornet's nest
  • Baby's First Uzi (9mm)
  • Baby's First still (moonshine)
  • Baby's First Tazzer
  • Baby's First collection of communicable diseases
  • Baby's First book of matches

What other gifts should I not get my child?

(And yes, I love my baby, I am just looking for humourous responses - nothing off color)

The Czar's picture
Last seen: 10 years 8 months ago
Joined: Dec 20 2003 - 10:38
Posts: 287
"Gift Suggestions" ;-)

Those ought to keep Junior content for a while ;-).

Congrats on your baby's first birthday!


The Czar

Eudimorphodon's picture
Last seen: 3 months 14 hours ago
Joined: Dec 21 2003 - 14:14
Posts: 1204

I like "Baby's First Colostomy", myself. It comes with a matching bag.


FunnymanSE30's picture
Last seen: 9 years 7 months ago
Joined: Aug 22 2005 - 10:32
Posts: 403
baby's first.....

baby's first southpark dvd
baby's first wintel pc
baby's first michael jackson picture
baby's first shurikan
baby's first stick of dynomite
baby's first blender
baby's first bucket of cement
baby's first grenade......

eeun's picture
Last seen: 2 days 32 min ago
Joined: Dec 19 2003 - 17:34
Posts: 1893
Some more...

Baby's first empty plastic bag
Baby's first Marlboro
Baby's first Necronomicon (which would look something like this)
Baby's first potato cannon

Jon's picture
Last seen: 10 years 6 months ago
Joined: Dec 20 2003 - 10:38
Posts: 2804
Eudi, I laughed out loud w


I laughed out loud when I read the matching bag bit. Heh. My 2-year old started laughing along with me, but she had no idea what it was all about. Smile

Last seen: 15 years 9 months ago
Joined: Jan 22 2005 - 20:20
Posts: 595
Re: Hm.

I like "Baby's First Colostomy", myself. It comes with a matching bag.


Think of the money he'd save on diapers! I'm saying nothing of the benefits to the environment. Smile

Let's not overlook the obvious:

- Baby's first tattoo
- Baby's first body piercing
- Baby's first hangover
- Baby's first bar brawl
- Baby's first job Blum 3
- Baby's first arraignment
..... On charges of murder
..... On charges of racketeering
..... On charges of money laundering
..... On charges of tax evasion
..... On charges of possession with intent to traffic

And, of course, none of the above gifts would be complete without:

- Baby's firsy IRS tax audit

Ah, the gifts that just keep on giving. Smile

Last seen: 3 days 12 hours ago
Joined: Aug 9 2004 - 19:39
Posts: 31
Baby's First....

Since our first born got a job this summer, my wife wondered where in the baby book do we mark down "Baby's First Drug Test"???

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