I feel that i have come a point in my life where i musnt continue on any longer, There is no happiness in life itself. I find myself not sleeping, not eating not doing anything. At age 22 I feel as if I cant go on, I find myself down by the railroad tracks waiting for the train so I can throw myself into it. There just isnt no spice in life. Especially when you live alone and leave your house maybe once a month to get groceries. And your childs mother refuses to let you see your babies once they are born. There is nothing but emptiness. I have not slept in 4 days, not eaten in 3. Life is boring, life is bad. My existence as a human is over. I have not smiled in over 6 months. I thought buying things would make me happy instead it made me broke and made life even worse. I dont know what to do. I find myself listeng to music about death and dying and being unwanted. I come to you all asking for advice before I end up mortally wounding myself. I have no true friends or family. I have just one person. Meaningless Little Me on this blue rock called earth.
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No matter how bad you think it is, it aint that bad. ( I would sell the hearse though). Finding a good socail life is hard once out of college (or high school). Once out on your own, things are very different. I am coming up on the big 30 this year and have always been a loner - grant it I have been with the same woman for 13 years now...
You must be true to your self, but you must find the things that make you happy. I would humbly suggest that you look at the primary gripes your girl firend had and then see if any of them hurt. What I am getting it is (outside of any vindictive remarks about how you cut your hair or things like peeing in the shower), there may be something general enough that you can build upon. I am not suggesting that you change just to please others, but rather that there may be somethings you can adapt to help others better understand you.
Using an example from my own life, I have a very dry sense of humor. Many folks think I am too crass at times or just ot left field. Those who work closely with me have learned to understand where I am coming from - I have learned to not overwhelm new folks with my personality.
If you girl friend thought you were to morbid, and 'not mature', do not take it personally, just take it as maybe she is looking for something different. Having kids changes folks, especially the one with the kids insinde of them. Part of it is hormonal, but part of it is simple growth. Be tremendous in all that you can. The ability to rise above the daily issues without being judgmental, pious, condescending, or discorteous is what you will ultimately be remebered for, so do it right. no matter how hard you try, you just can't polish a turd. You do not have to let go of the things that make you you, the trick is in the presentation (an dI do not mean just putting on a front). If you can address the things that your girl friend has issues with, perhaps she will come around. Put off any ideas of custody fights until you have given the friendly route a try. Men who truly want to be a part of their kids lives is a good thing - but you gotta respect the mama, even if you do not like her.
As far as the friends, find an activity to get involved in. For me, it was joining the vestry (council) at my church and helping out with the nursery on random Sundays. If that is not something you think you can embrace (and it WOULD help), look into local things like Habitat for Humanity or some after work things with your co-workers (and if you do not have a job outside of your home, perhaps I would start there - even if it is a part-time gig on the weekends). While I was doing code remediation during Y2K, I was also washing dishes at Chili's at night - I was super busy, and I got to have a bunch of white collar friends and blue collar friends to hang out with. just remember that if you are looking for a new girl in all of this, the best approach is to focus on your self. ALL women like a man who is secure and stable enough to take care of them; for them, the guy they can have fun with is the icing on the cake and the bod make s the complete package. The girl you want to date is generally not the kind you want to marry - some chick from the club who rocks your world may not be ideal for the long haul, whereas the the one you picked up while pounding a hammer building a house for some 'underprivledge folks' may be better suited for the long haul. Point of the matter: some girls are not the kind you mary, and the kind you marry are not always the kind you 'date'.
I have a small circle of friends, mostly the neighbors, a few from work, and a few from church, but none of them are really the kind I call up to come over and watch TV with or talk about the deeper issues in life - that why I come here
There is so much to live for, many things just do not seem apparent when you neck-deep in things. It sounds cliche, but add some caffine to your diet, cut back on the cigs, start riding your bike, and look for a gym to join. I found that since I have a job on my ass all day in front of a computer doing what is basically library sciences type work, I have put on wiehgt, lost a lot of energy, and sometimes would prefer to stay in bed in the mornings. I used to only sleep between 2AM and 7AM ('cuz I was that energetic), swim a mile a day, and be in great shape. I felt good, now I feel okay, but not as good as I know I can.
I am sorry to ramble, it just pains me to see good people loose sight of where they are going in life and feel that it is all ready to end. If you want to talk more, send me a PM.
Don't take this the wrong way but you have to stop thinking that way.
You have to stop listening to that kind of music cause it is only boots your thaughts of killing yourself. Your going to have to snap yourself out of this funk your in. you have every right to see your kids don't let her stop that. You have to get out of your house and go see a ball game or a drag race that will help lift your spirts.
I hope this helps and please think about what your doing be for you do something stupid.
This is a serious problem--and not necessarily a "funk" you can snap yourself out of.
First, I want you to call 1-888-784-2433. That's the American Suicide Survival Line, and I want you to call it right now.
Second, get help. Find a doctor, a counselor, or, hell, anyone else you trust. Depression is hard to beat on your own; the more help you have, the easier it becomes.
. . . talking to someone who's been exactly where you are on a suicide hotline is the first practical step toward getting some real help . . . reaching out here was a very good move, but talking one on one with an experienced and trained "life support tech" will be a GREAT move, trust me.
First off call that number and talk to someone. Second get some sleep. Staying up that long will cause all kinds of weirdness to start going on in your head. Plus once you hit 5 days with out sleep you can do permiment damage to your brain. And that won't help you see your kids.
Just remember if you kill your self you are letting the world win on its terms. Don't go down with out a fight.
Yeah, the tortures of life can be a real good time eh? But really death isn’t the way, everyone gets there’s eventually, you will soon probably get some really good things happening. Those guys that stole your stuff will DIE, there going to get cut in half by train in front of their children! Anyway...
Is it just me or is there a collective vortex of sadness that roams around the applefritter users? I am a member of a lot forums, I have never seen so many depressed people... OHY
I've been suicidal for the last 8 months straight... and I must say, thinking that the world will win if you did off yourself helps A LOT! You didnt cause yourself to be in the position you're in now. Other people did. Don't miss out on the rest of your life by giving in to that. Hey, we'll all be dead and gone in less than 100 years, so it really won't matter by then anyway.
wow. I like your signature on your posts. "The fun here never ends"
I just went through a rather hellish experience in my personal life. It does get better. Just get stable and put some roots down, even just a little bit. Things were touch and go for me for a few weeks, but I'm starting to feel like a normal person again now.